Some new people have joined recently, and since it's not always obvious what this blog is all about, let me explain it here.
This blog started out at a different URL, and was originally written from the perspective of a Modern Orthodox Jew. Initially, the 'Science and Torah' controversy was the main subject, and I was intent on proving that the Chareidim and their Gedolim were completely wrong in their views on Science.
It was easy enough to win the debates against the Chareidim, too easy in fact. But I started noticing a very troubling thing. Various skeptics would come on my blog and start to debate me, and often with the exact same types of arguments that I would use so successfully against the chareidim. You know those arguments - the annoying ones which reference facts and evidence rather than loyalty and faith.
After a while I started to realize that it would be extremely intellectually dishonest of me to continue to declare victory against the chareidim, while simultaneously ignoring all the very strong questions coming to me from the skeptics.
For example, if it was 'the most reasonable conclusion' that God would not create a bizarre miracle like the world appearing to be older than 6,000 years, why was it not also the 'most reasonable conclusion' that God would not create a Torah which to all the world looked like a composite document, entirely consistent with other religious mythology and rules of its time? That's just one example, there are many others.
So, I was forced to debate the Skeptics. And I lost. Every single time. And I knew this couldn't be because I'm a poor debater, because I had no problem at all debating the Chareidim. And I also knew this couldn't be because I wanted to be skeptical, because on the contrary, I did not. It was painful to have to admit to it, but the only rational explanation was that the skeptics had better arguments.
One other possibility presented itself - perhaps the online skeptics were all the incredibly smart and knowledgeable skeptics, whereas the online believers were all the idiot batlanim, while the intelligent believers did more useful things. Maybe in real life some genuine believer could convince me.
So, in parallel to my blogging, I engaged personally with a number of highly intelligent and very credentialed Modern Orthodox Rabbis who I know in real life. While I respect and admire all these Rabbis greatly, and consider some of them to be close friends, I found no better arguments from these people.
Ultimately it became clear to me: In the same way that I could never understand how a Mormon could be so silly as to passionately believe in the truth of Mormon ideology, even though it was so obvious to anyone on the outside that Mormonism is just abject nonsense, likewise me and all my friends were stuck in the delusional bubble of Orthodoxy.
OJ obviously wasn't true, and that becomes immediately and abundantly clear as soon as you have the ability to stick your head outside the delusional bubble, and create an objective vantage point from the outside looking in.
Though even as I write these words, some part of my brain still clings to the beliefs that were so very well indoctrinated in me since my birth. It is VERY hard to shake those kind of beliefs, and I suppose I should be more sympathetic to those poor unfortunates amongst us who are incapable of doing so. (Sometimes I think Richard Dawkins is correct - religious fundamentalist education IS a form of child abuse.)
Once I realized that OJ probably wasn't true, I was stuck with a quandary. What to do now? Ever since then, I have tried various approaches. I tried secularism for a short while, but found that very wanting. I tried a type of conservative 'Divine Inspiration' theory, but it wasn't very convincing. More recently I am trying out Reconstructionist Orthodoxy, which involves trying to reconstruct as much as the OJ lifestyle and culture as possible (and as sensible), without sacrificing my brain on the alter of mindless fundamentalism.
What motivates me?
Well, I am Orthodox, and Orthodoxy does not make it possible to leave very easily. And since I know that the beliefs of OJ are not true, I have no real choice but to stay and fight for a different interpretation. As someone famous once said: 'Fight them from the inside. It's much more effective that way'.
Do I have a specific goal?
Not really. I tend towards being destructive about OJ, but that's mostly because OJ is so dominant in my life that it's a constant struggle to fight it. In truth I would rather be more constructive, but the atmosphere is not conducive. Perhaps if the believers were more encouraging to my quest that would help. But of course they are not, because they see my views as very threatening to them. A sign of insecurity (and mindless fundamentalism) to be sure.
Is my approach for everyone?
Not at all. I certainly wouldn't want all the world, or even all of Orthodoxy, or even all of Modern Orthodoxy, to hold like me. Apart from the fact that it would never work, pluralism is good and healthy. But I am fighting for my place at the table. There needs to be a space within Orthodoxy for people who value the lifestyle, even value halachah, and yet can say without shame that the beliefs are unbelievable (at least from a literal perspective, maybe there's wiggle room for a post-modern type of approach).
My main goal, as I have always said, is just to figure stuff out. And so far, it is definitely working.
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