Off The Derech: Kids vs. Adults

I see that there is a constant confusion when discussing Off The Derech (OTD) about kids and adults. I have been guilty of this myself. So let's clear things up.

To be clear, we need to divide the world into more than just two simplistic categories; kids and adults. Instead we'll divide the world into five simplistic categories:

1. Young kids: 5-13
2. Older Kids: 13-18
3. Young adults: 18-20 something, possibly even into early thirties depending on level of maturity
4. Mature adults: 30+
5. Old people: 60+

1. Young Kids
YK's hardly ever go off the derech. I just can't imagine it. They are too young, too sheltered, too much under Mom & Dad's control. Very occasionally you might find a young kid with some serious issues, but that is very rare and not really relevant to our discussion.

2. Older Kids
There is definitely a phenomenon of OKs going OTD. Most of these are probably going OTD because of emotional issues, not intellectual issues. Why is this? I think the answer is obvious. OJ OKs have been heavily brainwashed (educated) from birth. They have (ideally) been sheltered from all bad influences, and exist within an OJ context. To have intellectual doubts and convictions strong enough to go OTD at this age, if otherwise happy and well adjusted, is very rare (though it does happen). Instead, most OTD OKs are kids with emotional issues who are 'acting out' in many ways - drugs, crime etc. Going OTD is just another great way to rebel and cause trouble. Plus, you get to fulfil more of your taavos.

3. Young Adults
In this category I think you will find a mix. There will be some people going OTD because they are trying to justify their taavos. However there are definitely people in this category who have intellectually and honestly investigated things and are going off for intellectual reasons.

4. Mature Adults
I would argue that most people in this category are going OTD for intellectual reasons. They are not messed up or into taavos, rather they have escaped their childhood brainwashing and can make an objective decision. Also, the more life experience they have they more they realize what's what.

5. Old People
If someone reaches older age, and then goes OTD, this is a bit strange. Most likely it is because of some life event which turned them off, rather than a sudden revelation of the truth. Do older people even go OTD?

HALOSCAN COMMENTS

Why do people go on or off the derech?

I think this statement from Steve Brizel wins the prize:

'Many who leave Torah observance have unresolved issues that prevent them from living with doubts.'

'Unresolved issues that prevent them from living with doubts? What the heck is that supposed to mean?!

Anyway, I've actually become more laid back about fundamentalists. Why? Well, I know people who are extremely well educated, who grew up Conservative, and decided to become Orthodox. What are you going to say to such a person? You're delusional? You're brainwashed? Your'e indoctrinated? You're biased? None of these arguments work against a highly intelligent and highly educated person who grew up Conservative or Secular and then decided on the basis of intellectual reasons alone to become frum. And, these people know all about the Documentary Hypothesis too.

And, to argue that they only became frum because of emotional reasons would be hypocritical, since we reject that argument about people who go OTD.

So what are you going to say? People make all sorts of decisions in their lives for all sorts of reasons. People are complex and life is too. I don't think you can narrow the cause behind religious decisions down to a few simple reasons.

HALOSCAN COMMENTS

R Micha Berger on going Off the Derech

RMB writes:

"The difference between willing to live with a question, looking for an answer, and deciding the question disproves the whole, is almost always emotional state. "

There's definitely a lot of truth to that. In general, when something is proven false, wrong or whatever, normal people accept the proof. But when it's their own religion that is disproven, the stakes are obviously way too high for most people to acknowledge it. They have way too much emotional attachment to their religion, they have family and communal commitments, they have a lifetime of religious, spiritual, cultural, intellectual and financial investment. Can you imagine not being in an emotional state in such a situation?!

So of course, rather than just go with the evidence, they will prefer to 'live with the question'. Conversely, the people who go with the proof and decide to leave their religion are generally less emotional and more detached, and more able to objectively decide upon the truth, and make their decisions accordingly.

'Which group is 'better', you're thinking?(or at least I'm thinking) Yeah, I guess that's a dumb question, since 'better' is subjective.

HALOSCAN COMMENTS